You know when you’re so stressed that your eyelid starts pulsating? Well, for much of my adult life, that’s how the holidays felt. The endless to-do lists, the pressure to host a perfect holiday gathering each year (and somehow come up with a specialty cocktail that had floating cranberries in it), the balancing act of family, work, and social obligations — it was all too much.
It wasn’t until I realized I was absolutely miserable during one of my favorite times of the year that I decided to take control and change things. And I want to share how I did it, so you don’t have to let stress take over your holiday season either.
1. Say no like a pro (and mean it!)
The holiday season often brings a pressure to say “yes” to every invitation, event, and responsibility that comes your way. But here’s a secret: you don’t have to be everywhere or do everything. Saying “no” isn’t a sign of rudeness or indifference to others; it’s a powerful act of self-care. Like my mom always told me, “Sometimes less is more.” And when you commit to less, you prioritize the activities that align with your values and leave room for rest. Whether it’s skipping a holiday party you’re dreading or delegating a task at work, remember that your time and energy are limited. Protect them like a momma bear!
2. Set boundaries (even with family)
The holiday season is synonymous with family time, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate toxic conversations, intrusive questions, or endless requests for favors. Set clear boundaries before gatherings. If certain topics are off-limits or you need time for yourself, communicate that. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I need a moment” or “That’s not up for discussion right now.”
When to lean in — or let go — if politics enter your family holiday gathering
I’ve also learned to set boundaries by keeping events on the shorter side — staying 70 percent as long as I usually might. I find I can enjoy all the trappings of the event without being the last to leave (saving up a little energy for me). Your peace of mind matters, and healthy boundaries are key to preserving it.
3. Create space for stillness
In the whirlwind of holiday activities, it’s easy to forget the importance of stillness. But even 10 minutes of quiet time can do wonders for your mental clarity and emotional well-being. Take a break from the noise and pressure of the season.
Whether it’s a morning guided meditation on YouTube (this is how I drink my coffee in the morning before everyone else in my family wakes up), a short walk outdoors, or a few minutes of deep breathing with your eyes closed in your car, find small moments of stillness to recharge. Trust me — these moments can help you feel more grounded when the holiday hustle starts to pick up.
4. Buy less already!
The pressure to buy gifts can make the holidays feel like a marathon. One of the most toxic games I played with myself over the years was the hectic, self-imposed competition of “I didn’t buy enough!” I would scramble to get something more for everyone on my list, constantly second-guessing whether I was doing enough. But here’s a radical thought: You do not have to buy so much. Instead of stressing over an endless shopping list, focus on minimal-in-number, meaningful gifts that reflect the people you care about. A single thoughtful gift or even a heartfelt gesture can be more powerful than piles of presents. The holidays aren’t about buying more; they’re about enjoying more. Let go of the idea that more equals better, and you’ll find that simple gifts and a little less spending can bring much more joy.
5. Focus on what really matters (hint: it’s not perfection)
Perfectionism is a common trap during the holidays. We might feel the need to host the perfect dinner, decorate every corner of our homes or make everyone tins of Grandma’s famous fudge. But let’s get real: perfection is an illusion. Instead of chasing an impossible ideal, focus on what truly matters — connection, love, and gratitude.
Celebrate the little, casual moments that make the holidays special, and release the pressure of doing it all perfectly. Maybe instead of hosting your neighbors and dealing with the stress that comes with it, you meet them at a local brewpub. The point is that you’re connecting with them — and taking some burden off you. The memories you create will far outlast any perfect Instagram photo. As we head into the holiday season, it’s important to remember that taking care of yourself is just as vital as celebrating with others. While indulgence can be tempting, maintaining balance is key. That means staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and giving your body the movement it craves. It doesn’t have to be a formal workout session at the gym — simple walks after meals, stretching, or light yoga can help keep your energy up and your stress levels down. And, just as you prioritize physical care, remember that a few mess-ups are part of the holiday charm. You don’t need everything to go seamlessly to enjoy the season. Embrace the messy moments — the laughter after a mix-up, the spontaneity of last-minute plans, and the real-life moments that make the holidays memorable. When we let go of the idea that everything must be flawless, we open ourselves up to joy that’s far more genuine. The holidays are a special time, but they don’t have to come at the expense of your health or happiness. Prioritize yourself. By putting these self-care practices into place, you’ll be able to savor the season without the added stress. Set boundaries, know that less is better, and remember that it’s OK to skip perfection in favor of authenticity and joy. In the words of Cardi B., “If you’re not good to yourself, then how can you be good to other people?”
Selena Rezvani
Selena Rezvani is a women’s leadership speaker and author of “Quick Confidence,” a Wall Street Journal bestseller, and “Pushback: How Smart Women Ask – And Stand Up – For What They Want.” Through in-person training and online courses via LinkedIn Learning, Selena teaches professionals how to be fierce self-advocates and carve out leadership paths on their own terms. Follow her on TikTok, Instagram and LinkedIn or find her at www.selenarezvani.com. Recommended
The holidays are a marathon, not a sprint
