Today’s guest spot: Caitlin Moran

During today’s guest spot we will be talking to Caitlin Moran about her UK bestseller, How To Be A Woman, that will be released in the U.S. tomorrow.

The book about a 13 year old girls quest to what it means to be a woman in today’s world tackles the real issues teenage girls face with a humorous twist. 

Be sure to tune in at 3pm et for the full conversation and let us know what you think @thecyclemsnbc

Excerpt:

I have no idea what to wear to a strip club. It’s one of the biggest

wardrobe crises of my life.

“What are you wearing?” I ask Vicky on the phone.

“Skirt. Cardigan,” Vicky says, lighting a fag.

“What shoes?”

“Boots. Low heel.”

“Oh, I was going to wear boots, low heel, too,” I say. “We can

both wear boots, low heel. That’s good. We’ll be matchy.”

Then a bad thought occurs to me. “Actually, maybe we

shouldn’t both wear boots, low heel,” I say. “If we look too matchy,

people might think we’re an act. You know. Like a lesbian act. And

try and touch us.”

“No one would believe you’re a lesbian,” Vicky sighs. “You’d

make a terrible lesbian.”

“I wouldn’t!” I say indignantly. This offends my can-do nature.

“If I wanted, I could be a great lesbian!”

“No, you couldn’t,” Vicky says. “You’re offensively heterosexual.

You fancy Father Christmas. By no stretch of the imagination

could Father Christmas be construed to have Sapphic androgyny.

He wears Wellington boots indoors.”

I can’t believe Vicky is doubting my ability to be a lesbian, if I

really wanted to be. She’s seen how versatile I can be on a night

out. Once, when we went to Bournemouth, we blagged our way

backstage of a theater and convinced the star of the show—a

legendary sitcom actor—that we were prostitutes, just to see his

reaction. He said, “Blimey!” in a very edifying manner. My capabilities

are endless. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

“Maybe I’ll wear sneakers, instead,” I say.

Vicky has asked me if I want to join her for a night out at

Spearmint Rhino, on Tottenham Court Road. It’s the year 2000,

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and strip clubs—for so long regarded as the holding pen for the

last few sad, sweaty fucks on earth—have become acceptable

again.

In Britain, the mid-nineties have been all about the rediscovery

of the British working class’s monochrome tropes—

pubs, greyhound racing, anoraks, football in the park, bacon

sandwiches, “birds”—and strip clubs come under this heading.

“Ladettes” now enjoy a night out in the classier strip clubs of the

metropolis. Various Spice Girls have been pictured in strip clubs,

smoking cigars and cheering the acts on. Titty-bars are being marketed

as an exciting, marginally loucher version of the Groucho

Club—just somewhere for anyone who liked to start a night out

at 1 a.m.

Partly out of journalistic hunger to cover the phenomenon,

and partly because newspaper editors are invariably excited by

pictures of female hacks in a strip club, the Evening Standard has

asked Vicky to go spend an evening in the Rhino in order to see

what all the fuss is about.

“It’s against every single one of my feminist principles. These

are arenas of abuse,” I said when she called.

“The manager is giving us complimentary champagne all

night,” Vicky said.

“I will meet you there at 9 p.m.,” I said, with all the dignity I

could muster.