Hillary Clinton made a surprise appearance on “The Colbert Report” on Tuesday night, for a name-dropping face-off with the comedy host.
Stephen Colbert — at first alone — begins the bit by reviewing the audio-book version of Clinton’s new memoir, “Hard Choices.”
“This book is 656 pages of shameless name-dropping,” Colbert says, before listing off a handful of instances where Clinton mentions world leaders and singer Bono in the book. “I just don’t buy any of this. There is no way on Earth one woman can be in so many places at once!”
Then, the former secretary of state walks on set and the pair face off in a battle of the name-droppers.
“I know Raffi. He’s such a cutup. Especially when we go camping with Oprah,” Colbert says.
“O?”
“Oh, does that surprise you?” Colbert asks.
“No. ‘O’ is just what all her real friends call Oprah,” Clinton answers.
“I know Paul McCartney.”
“I negotiated with Hamid Karzai.”
“I shared an office with Steve Carrell.”
“I will have you know, Madame, I once did an entire show with President Bill Clinton,” Colbert says. “I hate to break this to you Stephen, but I’ve met him, too.” The former first lady, New York senator, and secretary of state (“sounds like she can’t hold down a job,” Colbert says) hasn’t declared whether or not she’ll run for office in 2016, but there’s already a fierce grassroots movement supporting her potential candidacy and she’s leading in the polls. At Colbert’s prompting, Clinton then digs into the “eternal question” of how she’d negotiate between battling a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses. “First, I’d try to find common ground between ducks and horses – for instance, they both grew up on Old MacDonald’s Farm. Then, I’d establish a timetable to achieve meaningful horse-duck dialogue. Stephen, I’m convinced that with patience and a strong commitment from our allies, the pigs and the geese, we’d have peace, peace here, peace there, here a peace there a peace everywhere a peace, peace,” Hillary says, giving her best diplomatic version of “Old MacDonald Had A Farm.” Colbert ultimately surrenders and tells his audience to buy “Hard Choices,” “where there are still bookstores.”
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