As I approached my 50s, I found myself unexpectedly single. I was 46, with no prospects on the horizon, and wondering what was wrong with me. A year earlier, I had broken up with the man I thought I would marry, and here I was, single again.
One day, while visiting my cousin, her neighbor came over to pick up her kids. She casually asked, “Why are you single?”
Within seconds, I was in the fetal position on the sofa, crying uncontrollably. You know, the “ugly cry.”
My cousin and her neighbor rushed to comfort me, but their attempts felt feeble. For 15 minutes I cried, convinced I was cursed, destined to be deprived of love for eternity.
Eventually, I peeled myself off the sofa and rushed to my car, desperate to be alone in my misery. But as I glanced in the rearview mirror, I saw a reflection that stopped me in my tracks: a middle-aged woman with dark mascara streaks running down her face. It was a pathetic sight — scary, sad and sickening.
At that moment, I realized what I had become: a desperate woman whose self-worth was entirely dependent on being chosen by a man. Without that validation, I felt like I was nothing and had nothing.
It didn’t matter that I was healthy and attractive. It didn’t matter that I had a fantastic career, great friends, a wonderful family, a packed social calendar, and more money than I could spend. None of it mattered if I didn’t have a “man.” And that realization disgusted me.
I despised what I had become and, in that moment, decided to choose differently. Instead of focusing on what was missing — a man — I resolved to embrace the benefits of not having one.
For some, this might seem like a daunting reality, but for me, it was the most empowering and liberating chapter of my life. I learned that being single in your 50s is often misunderstood. People may assume loneliness or loss, but what they don’t see is the immense joy, freedom, and self-discovery that comes with it. Although I am in a relationship now, that time was, without a doubt, one of the biggest blessings I could have ever imagined.
Here’s why:
In your 50s, you’re more self-assured and confident than ever before. This period of your life has brought a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want. You no longer feel the need to compromise or adjust yourself for the sake of anyone else’s expectations. You can live for yourself, fully and authentically. Because of this, you’re less likely to put up with people who don’t bring you joy or disturb your peace.
You also have the freedom to make decisions based solely on your desires, needs, and aspirations. Whether it’s traveling on a whim, diving into a new hobby, or embracing quiet nights alone, you now have the autonomy to shape life on your own terms. There is a profound beauty in being the sole architect of your happiness. The freedom to prioritize myself has been one of the most empowering experiences of my 50s, and it’s a gift that I deeply treasure.
One of the greatest misconceptions about being single later in life is that it must come with a sense of lack, as if being without a partner means missing out on something. But I don’t see it that way. Instead, I now realize that the relationships I foster are those I truly want in my life, not those I need to fill a void or societal expectation.
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You have the ability to develop deeper friendships. Connect with other women who share similar experiences and uplift each other in ways that feel genuine. It’s been such a joy to spend time with like-minded women whose sole focus is not having a man or needing one. And should romantic love ever find you again, it will be on your terms. You won’t settle for anything less than what you deserve, because you’ve learned that your happiness is not dependent on someone else. This self-reliance is both liberating and powerful.
Time has also become my greatest companion. In your 50s, being single means that you’re no longer pulled in a dozen directions by the demands of a partner or children. Your time is yours to manage, and you get to decide where and how to invest it. This will allow you to nurture friendships, pursue passions and most importantly, invest in self-care. I’ve rediscovered the things that make me feel alive — whether that’s cycling, painting or volunteering — and I now have the luxury of time to dive deeply into them. This relationship with time will also allow you to reflect and grow. I’ve shed the insecurities of my 20s and 30s and embraced the wisdom that comes with life’s experiences. In this quiet space, I was able to cultivate mindfulness and truly connect with myself, which made me a better person. For decades, so many women pour themselves into others — nurturing relationships, raising children or navigating the complexities of a marriage. Now, is the time to pour that same energy into yourself, and it feels incredible. Self-care isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a lifeline. You can finally put yourself first without guilt or the feeling that you’re neglecting someone else’s needs. Time is about healing, too, whether that’s physical, emotional or spiritual. I’ve learned to listen to my body, embrace my health and focus on what brings me peace, like my evening walks. I’ve curated a life that feels good to me, and that sense of well-being is the truest form of luxury. You have the freedom to change course. Don’t buy the delusion that you’re past your prime or your best years are behind you. I reject that notion entirely. Being single at this stage allowed me to embrace change and growth with open arms. I was no longer afraid of reinvention or exploring new possibilities, and thus, started my TikTok channel at the age of 48, with almost 1 million followers today! You have the freedom to pivot, whether that means shifting careers, moving to a new city, or simply reimagining what the next decade will look like. There is a tremendous sense of possibility in this freedom. You’re not bound by the expectations of others or a relationship that defines you. Instead, you’re constantly evolving, and that evolution is your own to navigate. Ultimately, the greatest gift of being single in your 50s is the deep, unwavering love you will cultivate for yourself. For the first time, you don’t look outside for validation. You don’t seek approval from a partner or a society that tries to dictate who you should be. I have become my own best friend, my own cheerleader, and my own source of joy, because I understand that no one is coming to save me. This self-love has been the foundation of my happiness. It allows me to wake up each day with a sense of peace and contentment, knowing that I am enough just as I am. This journey of self-discovery and empowerment is one that I would not trade for anything, and it is the ultimate blessing of being single in my 50s.
Pattie Ehsaei
Pattie Ehsaei is a director of mergers & acquisitions financing at a major lending institution, and the author of "Never Date A Broke Dude: The Financial Freedom Playbook." She has led many teams in the financial services industry, ranging from commercial banking to investment banking, where she was managing partner and head of business development at GRID Partners. She regularly provides commentary on personal finance topics to a variety of media outlets, including Good Morning America, Huffington Post, Yahoo, BBC, and on her TikTok channel, @DuchessOfDecorum; she holds a B.A. from the University of Colorado in Boulder, and a J.D. from Loyola Law School in Chicago. Recommended
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