The blame game overshadowing Emilie Kiser’s tragedy underscores a toxic truth

The death of influencer Emilie Kiser’s 3-year-old son is a tragedy. Due to his mother’s significant fame on TikTok, it’s also a national story. What it isn’t is an excuse to shame a grieving parent, and yet the ordeal has quickly become another example of the way parasocial relationships on social media can discourage empathy and lead to cruel online mobs, even in the aftermath of a terrible accident.

Last Sunday, the Chandler Police Department in Arizona reported that Kiser’s son Trigg had succumbed to his injuries six days after being discovered unresponsive in the family’s swimming pool. An investigation is ongoing, according to local police. The heartbreaking news shocked fans of the 26-year-old Kiser, who has built a sizable brand with videos featuring Trigg, her husband, Brady Kiser, and their younger son, Theodore, who was born in March. Many of the influencer’s 3.8 million TikTok followers flooded her comments sections with condolences over the unthinkable loss. But many others have opted to blame the Kisers, spread conspiracy theories about Trigg’s death and even suggest the parents deserved it.

Much of the criticism seems to stem from the belief that (as seen in videos), the Kisers didn’t have a fence around their pool. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends parents install fences to prevent unsupervised pool access, and for good reason. More than 900 kids fatally drown each year, per the CDC, making drowning the No. 1 cause of death in children between the ages of 1 and 4. “Why did Emilie protect her new furniture with gates and not the pool?” one TikToker asked, referring to an older video of Kiser’s, while another accused Kiser of not putting up a fence “because it wasn’t aesthetically pleasing.”

Other commenters blamed the Kisers for not noticing Trigg had wandered into the pool, despite the fact that, per the CDC, drowning can occur in as quickly as 20 seconds and in as little as just 2 inches of water.

To be clear, none of these online critics actually know what happened. The Kisers have not yet spoken publicly about their son’s death, and Arizona police released a statement sharing their sympathies and noting they won’t be releasing any new details about the incident out of respect for the grieving family.

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Still, the virtual blame game continues.

Fame breeds familiarity — even if it’s fake. Through thousands of intimate videos, fans have witnessed the star’s family interact and grow, making Trigg’s death feel personal to many fans. As such, they may feel like they deserve an explanation. They are wrong.

The heartbreak is understandable, but the quickness to condemn Kiser and make unfounded accusations is not. Celebrities are not immune from tragedy, heartbreak or feeling hurt by what people say about them on social media. “I’m sure she’s got enough in her bank account to retire her,” one TikToker posted about Kiser, for instance, as if “retiring” would fix this kind of unspeakable loss. A particularly gross strain of commentary suggests Kiser may even be trying to exploit her son’s death for more attention.

Pool safety is an incredibly important topic, and one that should be discussed openly and frankly among parents. Too many children die in swimming pools every year; at least some of those deaths may be preventable. Yet, this current social media pile on is not helpful, serving no purpose other than to shame and guilt a grieving family. Kiser’s fame does not make her any less human, and any relationship fans share with her — and with influencers more generally — should be filled with kindness and grace, not cruelty and judgment.